[Pitching]

Pitching is about the intricacies of your idea
and is better suited to a script meeting than to a pitch. You give the
agent no clear idea as to who you are or why you're compelled to write
this. Try a teaser paragraph first, a single something about you that
gets the attention of the reader right away. They need to know who you
are before anything else.

You probably knew that. Here's the hard part: the next paragraph has
to be the spine of the story in 3 or 4 sentences. Try really hard to
relay barebones narrative, here; what you've got right now are
intricate plot details better suited to a two-or three-page treatment
than to a narrative description. I'm not quite sure WHAT YOUR STORY
IS, but I get a strong sense of the intricacies involved in it. Try
describing your story the way they might do it on the back of the
jacket. Think of your major plot points in this order: If / Then /
Then What? IF this happens, THEN this happens because of it, BUT THEN
this has to happen to solve the whole mess. This whole paragraph
should be an expansion of the idea, not a full-out summary.

The next paragraph is all about you -- 3 or 4 sentences describing
relevant facts about you that demonstrate the connection between you
and your idea. You get to make yourself look brilliant, and given the
idea it shouldn't be too hard ;-).

Lastly, end with a paragraph where you tell the agent that you're only
showing it to one agent at a time. Not only are most agents not
friendly towards simultaneous submissions, but it makes that agent
worry less about someone snapping up their find.

Try that. Let me know how it goes.